Things People Say

(Upon noticing a flyer advertising the Lost World of Tambun)
Dad: We wanted to go there once but couldn't find the place.
Me: Who is we? How come i don't know anything about it?
Dad: My sisters and I.
Me: When were y'all planning on going?
Dad: The day after Christmas but we couldn't find the place.
Me: Ask Uncle Pat lah. I'm sure he knows the way.
Dad: No, he doesn't know either. No one can find it. It's the LOST World.

(On my ride home, killing time on Whatsapp)
Friend: Lots of horses are named after rum. If i'm not wrong, there was a horse named Red Rum who was national champion like six or eight times.
Me: Red Rum is the signature phrase from thriller flick The Shining
Friend: Really? I never saw Shining. It was probably named after the real horse.
Me: *Thinks what the fuck? If you've watched the movie, you'll get my what-the-fuck-ness*

(During a conversation about a certain public figure)
Anonymous: I'm not exaggerating when i say he looks like a cock. Seriously, go and look for the ugliest cock you've ever seen and that is his face.

(After checking out my room's bathroom)
Nick: Your bathroom has something that i've always wanted lah.
Me: What?
Nick: A shower right on top of the toilet bowl.
Me: What the heck? What for?
Nick: For when i'm rushing. So i can shower and shit at the same time.

Lights, Camera, Pose

When it comes to taking pictures, i really don't have many poses to offer. It's either my usual smile with one hand on the waist, an over exaggerated pout, fish lips or a couple of other funny faces. So learning that i had to take pictures for the magazine was nerve wrecking!



We got our makeup done (such a tiring and uncomfortable process, i don't know how the models do it), hair styled and by the end of the transformation, i was dumbfounded at the reflection that stared back at me through the mirror. I can never get used to seeing myself with thick makeup. Plus, after all the years of wearing spectacles, going without them somehow made me feel vulnerable and my eyebags more prominent. During the first few minutes of the shoot, i found myself constantly adjusting my spectacles that weren't there!



Then of course, when you put women and camera (with a professional photographer, no less) into the same equation, you end up with silly and vain shots as well. After the 'official' pictures were taken, we got around to jumping up and down in front of the camera and even proceeded to talk our photog into giving each of us an individual photoshoot for keeping. This will probably be the closest i will ever get to being a model.

Why, Hello Beautiful

I really should be writing my articles but looklet is so fun! Blazers, coloured skinnies, colour blocking, long necklaces, boots, high heels, asymetrical hem, hi-lo hem...ah, love.

Notes From Work

Crazy deadlines and additional responsibilities aside, here is a collection of the little doses of happiness that my job has brought me thus far:



It was a mini carnival at the headquarters. Clothes from past productions were going for RM5 a piece! I'm guessing the past productions included wacky game shows, concerts and 80s-themed series. There were neon coloured leotards, super sparkly jackets and clothes that looked like they jumped out of my Mom's very, very, very old closet. I'm sure there were gems hidden somewhere amongst those racks. I just don't have the patience to uncover them.



I love cartoon events. Popcorn, whoopie cushion, stickers and yours truly won a Toys"R"Us voucher! This one was held at a kids' gym and because of that, the chairs came in mini-size too. Those of us who entered the screening room first headed straight for the only two 'normal-sized' couches available. As cute and colourful as the tiny chairs were, the thought of me potentially breaking a chair's leg and landing on my behind in full view of the media is not cute.



A hotel celebrated its 5th anniversary and sent an invitation in a cute 555 booklet (very creative move). There were oysters stuffed into test tubes and to be taken with a shot of cocktail. There were vodka shots with caviar. Then there was an awesome cone-shaped tree where strawberries, candies, chocolate bars and pastries were glued on with melted chocolate. You simply plucked whatever you wanted off the 'tree' and indulge. GENIUS!

More indulgence followed when Polly and i were invited to a casual lunch with Hidden Cities' (on HISTORY, Ch555) star Anthony Morse. I expected a large setting filled with media, where the best one could get was a five-minute chat with Morse. Instead, all there was was a table for 15. There was no air of arrogance about that man and it doesn't hurt that he's a looker too! Pictures, honestly, do him no justice. At one point, Polly was so fascinated by his biceps that she went up to him, asked "May I?" and lightly felt his biceps!



Say hello to Ballsy (on the left) and his no-name neighbour! A colleague went to New Zealand recently and returned with fridge magnets for each of us. So now, i have a dark brown, cute, fluffy kiwi chilling on my desktop's CPU, alongside a mini wooden surfboard, Amazing Race magnets, a calendar, a name tag and a fridge magnet of a generic Vietnamese girl that i initially thought was a figurine of a freaky cult idol.



Had some time to kill while waiting for the office's awesome driver, who volunteered to drop Ee Laine and I off at the stadium for the Chelsea vs. Malaysia friendly match. Except for a slight colour difference of the face and body, i'd say it looks pretty real! When showed to a friend, she really thought it was me chopping vegetables...though she did wonder why my arms were leaning towards the manly side.

Grant Them Eternal Peace, Amen

As a child, i remember being left at home with my Mah Mah while Mom, Dad and Yeh Yeh head to the cemetery to pay their respect to my late greatgrandparents on All Souls' Day. Years later, Dad felt that i was grown up enough to finally 'meet' my greatgrandparents and decided to grant me my first cemetery visit. Although i was excited about getting an opportunity to say hello to Greatgrandma and Greatgrandpa, i was nervous too. Will there be spirits roaming around? What if i bumped into one? A cemetery isn't exactly a tween's ideal playground.

Soon enough, the fear began to diminish (especially after the departure of my dear grandparents) and in its place was a sense of calm. Cemetery visits were no longer an annual event. We stopped by on Christmas Day, on death anniversaries and whenever we felt like it. Although their deaths mean i now have an unlimited access to them (i speak to them when my heart desires), having a physical place to go to and a physical object to target my conversations to somehow decreases the feeling of loss.

Dear Lord, i ask that you please bless my deceased loved ones with eternal peace and joy, and that the perpetual light continue to shine upon them. Till we meet again, rest in peace and know that you will always be loved and never forgotten.

Vain Pot

When i received an invitation to a work event earlier this month, i knew i wanted to look nice for it. I planned what to wear a week before the day. I engaged in a Whatsapp discussion with Neerah to make sure that my outfit choice was okay. I rushed to the mall a day before the event to buy a blazer that would go with my dress. And on top of the usual make-up, i decided to put in an extra effort by wearing heels (i rarely wear heels to work events).

When i told all the above to Ee Laine on the morning of the event, she laughed at me and teasingly said, "You should bring a bottle of perfume too, so you can look AND smell nice". I opened my bag and whipped out a sample-sized bottle of perfume and said, "Don't play play. I've planned that too".

Ain't nothing is going to stop a girl when she wants to look good!

One Heck Of A Complex Mind

For as long as i can remember, my dreams have never been the straight forward kind. They tend to end abruptly, feature humans with faces i cannot see, and have constantly-changing elements.

Recently, it happened again. The dream saw me at a carnival in my neighbourhood. I was sitting amongst a large crowd, waiting for someone to arrive.

The someone turned out to be a man, clad in a black tee and jeans. His face was a blur but he was well built (yummy chest!), appeared to be a mix of Asian and Caucasian, and apparently, my boyfriend. As i was getting up, this boyfriend persuaded me to remain seated. Then out of the blue, he went on one knee and reached for something in his pocket. Knowing that it was a marriage proposal, i stopped him before he could do or say anything. I didn't want to be proposed on a bended knee (this is a fact, fyi) and certainly didn't want it to happen at the local carnival. But i did want to marry him. So i smiled and pleaded for him to do it another day, another time, another place. He laughed too, fully understanding my desire to have my ideal proposal, and proceeded to take my hands as we walked about the carnival... with the ring safely tucked in his pocket and not brought to light that day.

Later on, i ran into my aunt, who seemed to have lost all the extra weight she gained during the past few years, and looked fantastic and much younger. Plus, she was in a nurse uniform. While i was playing with her new stethoscope, i introduced her to the boyfriend, who was also a nurse. When i turned to look at him, i saw a woman (again, no face) in a nurse outfit instead, yet somehow, i was not surprised.

Moving on from the conversation, i bumped into Karen, who appeared looking like she did back in high school. Then there was a classmate, who was gossiping about me behind my back without realising that i was standing next to him. He, as i would later find out, did not recognise me and was surprised when Phan Shean pointed me out.

Then my dream ended without a warning.

Can someone even decipher what the heck all that meant?