Saying Goodbye

"If you stop asking why you were killed instead of someone else, stop investigating the vacuum left by your loss, stop wondering what everyone left on Earth is feeling... you can be free. Simply put, you have to give up on Earth."
- Franny, a deceased character, of The Lovely Bones on finding eternal joy in heaven -

While reading my book-of-the-moment during a usual morning trip to work, these few lines struck a chord with me. What's it like to let go of everything? What awaits me after death?

My religion has thought me that upon dying, i will be placed in limbo and then, one of three things will happen. I will either go to heaven, rot in hell, or be stuck in limbo. I'd like to think that heaven is where my eternal home will be. And my idea of heaven is a place up in the skies where we walk on fluffy clouds and are surrounded by the most beautiful shades of blue. It is a place where you never feel pain. A place where everything is possible. A place where you can meet and talk to God anytime. And most importantly, a place where I will be reunited with all my deceased loved ones - animals, Catholics and non-Catholics included.

But the majority of my curiosity lies not in the next life because i believe God will take care of that. What i wonder about is the act of dying.

I think that certain people know when they are going to die. My late aunt, who when she was in the hospital, preferred not to receive visitors. Heck, she didn't even tell her closest friend that she was down with cancer. But a few days before her death, she told another aunt that she would love to have us visit. Maybe she knew her time was up and wanted to see us one last time?
It's scary to think that one day all this will be over. How does one find the courage to close one's eyes and exhale the final breath? While i have no problem giving up the material goods, the same cannot be said about bidding goodbye to remaining loved ones. How can one find the heart to leave one's family to cry and mourn over one's loss? How is it possible to not worry for them? How can one let go?

I guess i'll get my answer when i too have to exhale that final breath. And i pray that if i am to die a horrible death, my parents will not be around to feel that pain.