No matter how tough a front I put on, once in a while, i will break down and cry. But there is nothing to be worried about. I just need to cry and like magic, all the tiredness, the pain, the stress will go away when the tears leave me.
But what i found out today is so heartbreaking. I realised that i am never allowed to break down. That i have to be strong all the time. It hurts so much when you turn to someone for a hug and no matter how much tears you shed, and how many times you ask for it, the person refuses to give it to you because he/she wants you to be strong. Because by giving you that hug, he/she believes that you will be spoilt and will no longer be that tough cookie you are supposed to be. No wonder people say rejection can really hurt.
It sucks that what i want from you, i will never get. Maybe i have myself to blame because i expected something that is never meant to be mine. Perhaps i should learn to accept the fact that no matter how i try, our frame of mind will never be the same.
I really put myself out there today. I've never told anyone what i told you today and what was the result? Not only did i not get the shoulder that i was hoping to cry on, i also found out that i gave you another reason to worry. Just great. Which leads me back to the reason why i always tell myself to shut up and not say anything no matter how horrible it makes me feel. Which is the reason why i firmly believe that if i am seriously sick, i cannot breathe a word to you because you will worry even more and making your life more difficult is the last thing i want.
And you. Please understand that me breaking down once in a blue moon does not make me any less independent. I can survive and i will survive. But sometimes i just need to take five and when i do, i want a shoulder to cry on. It's as simple as that.
A hug can seriously change my day for the better today but i didn't get it. If sorry is the hardest word to say, a hug is the hardest act to give.
But what i found out today is so heartbreaking. I realised that i am never allowed to break down. That i have to be strong all the time. It hurts so much when you turn to someone for a hug and no matter how much tears you shed, and how many times you ask for it, the person refuses to give it to you because he/she wants you to be strong. Because by giving you that hug, he/she believes that you will be spoilt and will no longer be that tough cookie you are supposed to be. No wonder people say rejection can really hurt.
It sucks that what i want from you, i will never get. Maybe i have myself to blame because i expected something that is never meant to be mine. Perhaps i should learn to accept the fact that no matter how i try, our frame of mind will never be the same.
I really put myself out there today. I've never told anyone what i told you today and what was the result? Not only did i not get the shoulder that i was hoping to cry on, i also found out that i gave you another reason to worry. Just great. Which leads me back to the reason why i always tell myself to shut up and not say anything no matter how horrible it makes me feel. Which is the reason why i firmly believe that if i am seriously sick, i cannot breathe a word to you because you will worry even more and making your life more difficult is the last thing i want.
And you. Please understand that me breaking down once in a blue moon does not make me any less independent. I can survive and i will survive. But sometimes i just need to take five and when i do, i want a shoulder to cry on. It's as simple as that.
A hug can seriously change my day for the better today but i didn't get it. If sorry is the hardest word to say, a hug is the hardest act to give.
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